


There's No Point in Candles if Our Fire Never Burns

by congratulationsbeautiful



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Porn, Blow Jobs, Canon Rewrite, Enemies, Gay Sex, Hate Sex, Hook-Up, M/M, Making Out, Mildly Dubious Consent, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Orgasm Denial, POV Third Person, Porn With Plot, Questioning, Swearing, Unsafe Sex, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/congratulationsbeautiful/pseuds/congratulationsbeautiful
Summary: What kind of person kisses their sworn enemy and then takes off with no explanation?
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	There's No Point in Candles if Our Fire Never Burns

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first time i've ever attempted at writing something like this so please don't criticize too hard. i'm a cis lesbian so clearly i'm not an expert at this topic but the idea came to me in a dream and i had to write it out
> 
> title is from hatefuck by cruel youth

“Christ, you’re as thick as it gets,” he says, and he grabs Alex’s face in both hands and kisses him.

Alex is frozen, registering the press of Henry’s lips and the wool cuffs of his coat grazing his jaw. Then his mind focusses again, phasing back into reality, and he pulls away from the kiss just as quickly as Henry had initiated it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Alex asked. He didn’t mean for his question to sound harsh, but it did anyway.

“I-I’m sorry,” Henry apologized. “I-I have to go.”

Henry turned around to leave, but before he could Alex caught a firm, tight grip on Henry’s wrist. Henry had no chance of escaping. Alex wasn’t going to let him get away with this.

“That’s a really shitty thing to do, you know,” Alex reminds him. “You have to be really sick and twisted to kiss someone out of the blue then run off with no explanation.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. You won’t tell anyone, will you?” Henry pleaded.

“Maybe Nora, probably June,” Alex shrugged as he let go of Henry’s wrist.

“Alex, please. If this got out--”

“Relax, I’m just teasing,” Alex smirked, folding his arms casually across his chest. “You know, there’s a better way to keep me quiet about this.”

“What did you have in mind?” Henry inquired. Alex could see the desperation in his eyes. He seemed to be on board for anything that Alex would suggest.

Alex started fidgeting inside his suit. He pursed his lips together as he considered if he really wanted to go along with this. It was the first idea that popped into his head, so he decided to go along with it. He’d already said it out loud, and Henry seemed to be on board and willing to do anything, so it was too late to back out of it now.

“Come with me.”

Alex dragged him out of the cold winter night and back inside. The two of them walked down a long hallway, the squeaking sounds of their shoes following behind, as they attempted to rub off the snow and slush that had stuck to the bottom from standing outside. So far, they weren’t earning any points for being inconspicuous.

They were nearly alone except for a few Secret Service agents who thankfully didn’t think twice about where the First Son was heading with the Prince of Wales in the middle of the night. They just looked like two ordinary friends who were hanging out late at night. None of them knew what Alex had in mind, least of all Alex. This was one of his craziest make-it-up-as-you-go-along schemes ever.

After walking down a few more winding hallways, they finally reached their destination. Alex looked up and down the hallway before opening it to make sure no one was around. He had a good reason for doing so. Anyone who saw two boys enter a White House bedroom together at the same time would definitely have some questions. He cautiously looked inside to make sure the room was empty before entering and having Henry follow behind.

Inside, there was a single queen bed fixated in the center of the farthest wall, with perfectly folded sheets and covers laying delicately on top. On the other side was intrinsically placed lounge furniture that looked like it was decades old. Alex knew this was one of the rooms that was typically empty and not-in-use. It wasn’t anything particularly special and a little bit smaller compared to any other room in the entire White House. Alex knew that its remote location would prevent them from getting caught.

Alex closed the door gently behind him and reached for the light switch next to the door. He purposefully kept the room lights dim because he didn’t want to fully admit to what he and Henry were about to do. It was easier to pretend in the dark. He took a few steps across the tiled floor, with Henry still following behind. Alex stopped in the middle of the room, just in front of the corner of the bed.

Alex turned around, where his eyes met Henry’s. He looked at the prince’s dimly lit facial features and said, “You wanna kiss me? Then you’re gonna have to fucking follow through.”

He yanked Henry’s shoulders, pulling him closer for another kiss.

They wasted no time, instantly picking up where they left off, only this time, heavier. Alex kissed Henry with so much firmness and anger that he could feel a bruise beginning to form on his lips. Alex distantly thought about how a bruise seemed like an appropriate, memorable token from one of the most crazy, unforgettable nights of his life.

There was something about that first kiss outside that had awoken something in Alex. It was almost as if a switch had flicked inside his brain. It had been a long time since Alex had gotten any action, not counting performatively kissing Nora tonight for the sake of tradition. So what if he had very dramatically sworn to hate Henry for as long as he lived? If Henry was available and willing, and probably just as horny as he was, why wouldn’t Alex capitalize on this opportunity? Henry had started this whole thing; he should’ve known what he was getting himself into. Alex would be seriously stupid not to profit off of a golden opportunity that had fallen into his lap. It’s not every day that a foreign monarch willingly offers himself up for sexual activities.

Alex thought that Henry must like him at least a little bit. He was trying his best to read Henry, but the man was a closed book. Alex couldn’t blame him for the 22 years of socializing and royal upbringing that made him this way.

As they continued kissing, neither of them could settle on a rhythm to follow. They were both too stubborn to let the other person lead. Henry’s lips felt like ice since he had been standing alone outside in the cold for so long before Alex had approached him. Alex hadn’t registered it while they were still outside the first time because he’d been too preoccupied with his initial feelings of shock.

This was Alex’s big idea. This was how he was going to get back at Henry. It wasn’t the smartest, or most sensible, or even the most adequate way that Henry could ensure that Alex would keep his mouth shut. In fact, it was possibly the worst thing that they could be doing right now, but they weren’t doing it anyway.

Alex was angry with Henry, and that was putting it lightly. All of the hatred he had for Henry slowly started pouring out of him like a funnel. He was trying his best to signal to Henry that he was angry. He could tell that Henry could sense it too. Alex kissed Henry as roughly and angrily as he possibly could. Henry knew that he had fucked up. He knew that Alex was rightfully angry. If they were currently at a one, Alex was going to take this up to a ten.

Alex hated Henry. He hated how he thought he could get away with anything. Henry had spent his whole life with everyone worshipping him. He wasn’t going to give Henry that satisfaction tonight.

Alex had met tons of unpleasant people that he’s had to tolerate since becoming the First Son. Henry was one of those people, stuck up and obnoxious. They were supposed to be getting along to maintain ‘good international relations’. So far, they’d been putting on a fairly decent performance, but it was all fake. It was getting to a point where Alex was such a good liar that he was starting to believe himself. If the press could see them now, with their lips smashed together and Alex’s firm grip on Henry’s biceps, they would have no trouble believing that Alex and Henry were ‘close personal friends’.

Alex was thinking too much about all this, which was ironic considering the fact that he hadn’t thought much about anything before he dove head first into this situation. He forced himself to stop thinking and let his mind go.

Alex let his hands move wherever they wanted, acting independently and mindlessly from the rest of his body. He roughly grazed his hands across Henry’s body from his shoulders, down to his arms. He attacked his hips firmly without hesitation. He wrapped his arms securely around Henry’s waist to prevent him from escaping should the thought occur to him. He felt Henry begin to thrust his hips forward and grind against him, already half-hard underneath the thick material of his dress pants. Very eagerly, Alex made his way back up to Henry’s chest. He teared at Henry’s clothing, attempting to unbutton his jacket, but he was not met with success. He couldn’t keep his hands from fumbling. Thankfully, Henry understood Alex’s intention. He briefly pulled away from the kiss and was able to do what Alex couldn’t. Henry was good with his hands, swift and agile. He grabbed Alex’s jacket and took it off too. Alex was thankful that the room was poorly lit, so Henry couldn’t see the blush of embarrassment forming on his cheeks. Maybe he could still sense it from the warming of his cheeks. The last thing he wanted was for the self-absorbed prince to get an even bigger ego after this.

To avoid any further distractions, Alex grasped the back of Henry’s neck and pulled him in close to resume the kiss. Continuing his roaming exploration, Alex found his way to the loose strands of hair falling down the back of Henry’s neck. The tousled sandy blonde locks were begging to be tugged on. Alex didn’t realize the full effects of his strength until Henry grunted as his head flew backwards and broke up their kiss. It came as a shock to the both of them that Alex, who was distinctly shorter than Henry, was able to pull off a feat of strength like that. Even more surprising, it revealed that Alex was getting a little too excited with the way things were playing out. Henry kept his head and chin tilted upward, looming over Alex, who could just barely make out his facial features in the dark.

“Fucking cool it,” Henry snapped.

“What? Too much for you?” Alex smirked.

“Oh, I’ll show you too much,” Henry challenged.

Now it was Henry’s turn. He could tease just as much as Alex could. He smashed his lips on Alex’s once again, instantly catching him off guard, just like he had when they were outside. Henry quickly moved his hands all over Alex’s body, leaving no inch of skin untouched. He took a page out of Alex’s book and intertwined his hands into Alex’s hair. He tugged and pulled on the brown curls all around Alex’s head, forcing him to moan into the kiss. Alex could feel the corner of Henry’s lips curl up into a smirk, pleased and satisfied with his accomplishment.

Alex was shocked at how rough Henry could be. In the movies, kissing a prince was always described as being a magical moment. It was always soft and tender. Looking at the poster of Henry on June’s wall growing up, he never would’ve guessed in a million years that Henry could be so rough. Alex shouldn’t have had such high expectations. It was like Henry had been waiting his whole life to let loose for once instead of always following the rules. He had bottled up all of these insults inside and was now using Alex as an outlet for it all, knowing that Alex would excuse his poor behaviour because Henry could just as easily ruin his life if their dirty little secret left this room.

“Just so we’re clear, I still hate you,” Alex clarified.

He spoke against Henry’s lips, mumbling his words. His breath was heavy. He paused in between his words to catch his breath.

“Oh, it’s very clear,” Henry agreed sarcastically.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

“Make me.”

It wasn’t difficult. Henry smashed his lips firmly against Alex who revelled in it. He took it all in, the sensation, the taste, the feelings, and everything else that Henry had to offer.

This wasn’t about Henry. He could’ve snuck off and had a steamy makeout session with anyone at that party. Alex was being selfish, and he knew it. He didn’t give a shit what Henry got out of this. He wasn’t looking to please him or make him feel good. He only cared about how he felt at the end of the night.

They had spent so much time kissing that Alex felt like he couldn’t breathe, and yet neither of them was satisfied. They wanted more. Alex thought they would reach this point eventually, part of him hoped that it would. They were past the point of no return. They were going to see this through to the end.

Their lips were swollen red. Alex could feel the blood rushing through his mouth and through other parts of his body too. The only sounds that filled the room were their short, quick breaths.

“I want this off,” Alex instructed, tugging at the thin fabric of Henry’s dress shirt.

“Bossy,” Henry remarked but complied.

He started undoing the knot of his tie that was around his neck.

“I hate that tie,” Alex commented.

“Do you ever shut the fuck up?” Henry fired back. His response was quick, like he’d been waiting all night to say it. “I swear, the only time you’re ever quiet is when our lips are pressed together.”

He finally undid the buttons of his shirt and pulled the sleeves off of his frame. It was very difficult to stay angry at Henry with the way he looked. His face was flushed with tints of red. His chest was slowly moving up and down. He was breathing heavily down Alex’s neck. With Henry’s shirt now off his person and thrown haphazardly in another direction, his entire upper body was exposed. Alex hurriedly took in the detailed features of Henry’s shoulders and chest. He had to make a mental effort not to put his hand on Henry’s abs that were begging to be touched.

“Your turn,” Henry signaled, bringing Alex back to reality.

Before Alex could undo a single button on his shirt, he felt Henry’s hands latch firmly onto the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up over his head and threw it aimlessly towards the other side of the room, not giving a fuck where it ended up.

Henry paused for a moment, tilting his head downward slightly, looking directly into Alex’s eyes. His piercing gaze made Alex feel vulnerable for the first time all night, being stared down while his upper body was exposed. Henry grazed the back of his hand against Alex’s cheek, grabbing his chin in one swift motion, proving yet again that he was very efficient with his hands.

“I want you on the bed,” Henry ordered. The royal authority dripped from his mouth.

If at any point Alex thought that he was the one in control, that was no longer true. He didn’t know why he believed that he could have been the leader in this situation. If Henry hadn’t had the courage to kiss Alex in the first place, they wouldn’t be where they are right now.

Alex made his way over to the bed, where he sat on the corner, creating the slightest dip in the mattress.

“Take your trousers off,” Henry instructed.

“Yes, Your Highness,” Alex teased. Henry let out a deep groan that was laced with regret.

Alex’s joke failed to hide his nervousness and anxiety. Sitting uneasily on the bed, Alex fumbled with his belt buckle. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. On top of all of that, it didn’t help that Henry was looking down at him with his arms crossed over his chest. He had captured the whole room in a dark, looming presence.

“Is that too difficult for you or somethin’?” Henry asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. He seemed to be good at that.

“Shut up. This belt is broken or something,” Alex defended.

“Sure, the issue is with the belt,” Henry rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fucking roll your eyes at me!” Alex yelled.

“Keep it down, you dolt!” Henry snapped. “We’re trying to fuck inside the goddamn White House for Christ’s sake.”

This was a side of Henry that Alex had never seen before, or probably anyone else for that matter. He was being extremely demanding and rude. It wasn’t a good colour on him. Alex distantly wondered if this was Henry’s first time being with another guy, or even his first time at all. Now he was wondering about the Royal Family’s sex practices, which was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about. If his suspicions were correct, then he would know that Henry was just as nervous as he was and his tough-guy attitude was just an overblown coping mechanism.

In the lingering, heavy silence, Alex undid his belt buckle and slid his pants down his legs, dropping them on the ground beside him.

“You’re fucking insufferable, you know that?” Henry asked, breaking the silence as he shuffled his own pants down his legs.

“So I’ve been told,” Alex laughed lightly.

The prince dropped to his knees right in front of Alex, a sight he never thought he’d see in all of his lifetimes. He started tugging at the waistband of Alex’s briefs, making it completely obvious what his next steps were.

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” Henry said. “I can go back to England, and we can never speak of this again.”

Alex knew what Henry was doing. He was giving him one last chance to back out, but they both knew it was far too late for that.

“That’s very mature of you. Are you really gonna back out now? With your hand on my dick?” Alex challenged.

“You know what, I’m gonna suck your balls until they’re fucking wrinkled and dry,” Henry decided.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Alex sighed, knowing he’d won the battle.

Henry pulled off Alex’s briefs entirely, permitting his cock to finally spring free. He dragged his fingers across Alex’s thighs, letting his briefs rest below his knees. Henry kept his fingers latched on. Alex watched Henry take a few moments to stare at Alex’s cock, which was already pearly white at the tip. He took Henry’s silence to mean good things, like he was stunned and impressed. It gave Alex a much-needed confidence boost.

Henry gripped Alex’s cock, swiftly running his hand up and down, feeling his length. At this point, Alex didn’t require too much stimulation to get him going. They’d been building up to this moment, not just tonight, but for the past three years. They had already had enough foreplay to last a lifetime.

Sensing that Alex was getting impatient, Henry decided to rip off the band-aid and stop wasting time. He lowered himself and engulfed the tip and the head inside his mouth in one swift motion.

Receiving a blowjob from Henry was very formulaic. Alex imagined that he had a checklist in his mind that he was going through in order to make sure he didn’t forget anything in his process. Alex made mental lists all the time, but he never thought of doing one in the middle of sex.

Henry securely wrapped his lips around the head, covering it in his saliva. He made good use of his tongue, dragging it up the base and swirling the tongue around the tip. In a matter of minutes, Alex’s length was covered in the mixture and wetness of Henry’s tongue. Henry steadily graduated from teasing lightly at the tip towards taking in more and more of Alex’s cock in his mouth. Throughout everything, Henry very pointedly kept his head down and his eyes closed. All Alex could see was a head of blond hair. Henry pushed his hands onto Alex’s bare thighs, pressing into the skin, leaving red spots all along Alex’s sensitive skin. He alternated between his palms and then rolled over to his fingertips. His fingers were moving like spiders up to his hips, securing them in place to prevent and avoid any squirming.

He moved at different paces, alternating between amazingly fast to painfully slow. It was driving Alex insane, and not in a crazy-in-love type of way. It was more of a mentally insane type of way. Alex was feeling uncomfortable and yet he didn’t want Henry to stop. He desperately wished that Henry would pick a pace and stick to it. Although, Alex’s enjoyment wasn’t a top priority list on Henry’s list.

This wasn’t a passionate love-making session. Alex had to keep reminding himself of that when he was met with disappointment from Henry’s end of things. For the most part, the two of them were silent, given the fact that Henry obviously couldn’t speak with Alex’s cock far, far down his mouth. Alex was trying his best not to moan, which would give Henry an edge over him. Alex hadn’t communicated anything at all about what made him tick or what he liked to receive during sex, and Henry hadn’t bothered to ask. This wasn’t going to be magical with the two of them being showered with flowers and have fireworks go off at the end. He tried his best to enjoy his current situation and stop complaining. He tried his best to single out and focus on Henry’s mouth and lips that gripped and sucked at Alex’s cock as if they were never going to let go. Alex was painfully aware of his inconvenient position on the bed, feeling like if Henry sucked just a little bit harder that his bare ass would slip onto the cold, hard floor. Henry was working overtime to force Alex to melt away, and it was working. He was keenly aware of every part of Henry’s mouth on his throbbing cock.

Alex was close. He wanted to let himself feel and not think. He threw his head back, revelling in the sensations that were running up and down his nerves.

“Oh, right there.” The words of pleasure naturally escaped Alex’s mouth, forcing him not to hold back.

Suddenly, he didn’t feel pleasure anymore. The tingling sensations that were running through his body had instantly vanished. He was no longer on the brink of orgasm. He didn’t feel Henry’s lips or his tongue either.

“Right where?” Henry asked innocently. When Alex tilted his head forward and viewed him through narrow eyes, he could see the expanding look of satisfaction on Henry’s face. He had his hands placed in his lap, playing dumb and working overtime at that. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he was enjoying it far too much.

Alex really thought he was gonna get some tonight, but he didn’t even get to the point where he could have a satisfying orgasm. He should have anticipated this. He shouldn’t have been so naive. He wasn’t going to get what he wanted with Henry, who was just as determined to be as mean and cruel as Alex was.

Alex was pissed off beyond all reason, and he was about to give Henry a taste of his own medicine.

“Okay fine, my turn, bitch. I’m going to tell you what to do, and you’re not going to have everything go your way for once in your life.” He clutched Henry’s right shoulder in his own palm, yanking him forward and ramming him into the foot of the bed. Alex demanded that he lie down. He did not want to put his knees on the cold tile floor. He had a little bit of respect for himself. He was trying to keep the shrivel of remaining dignity he had left after tonight’s events. Alex turned around and climbed on the bed, sitting on his knees. After a few deep breaths, he was more focused. Before going down he gave Henry a reminder, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing. I’m pretty fucking good at blowjobs.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” His attempt at sounding assertive fell flat, no doubt surprised at Alex’s own authority.

He shrugged Henry’s briefs off of his long, smooth legs. For the second time tonight, he let himself take it all in. It was a sight to behold. In the moment, he questioned how he let his life get to this point, about to blow the Prince of Wales. He pushed any thoughts of doubt aside and focussed on the matter at hand, quite literally since his hand was gripping the other boy’s cock.

His bottom lip grazed the tip of Henry’s cock. He didn’t think about the fact that it was Henry’s cock that he was sucking. It wasn’t a royal cock, nothing special about it.

He very pointedly did not look up or make eye contact. For the same reason he opted to keep the lights off from the very beginning, he couldn’t look Henry in the eyes without stirring up unpleasant emotions.

With his forearms pushing down on Henry’s thighs to keep him from squirming and shaking, Alex could feel Henry’s muscles tense up. He learned very quickly that when something felt good, Henry shot his hips upward, inadvertendly fucking Alex’s mouth, a feeling that Alex did not find particularly enjoyable.

His approach was becoming very similar to Henry’s. He didn’t like that. He thought about something he could do that was different, something that would ensure he got his revenge the way he intended.

Very slowly, he retracted his lips, leaving his teeth to apply slight bits of pressure on Henry’s firm, hard cock. Henry’s breath hitched. Alex momentarily paused, looking up at the other boy to see his reaction.

“You wouldn’t dare,” he said. Alex couldn’t tell if he was nervous or issuing a challenge.

Alex slightly pulled his mouth away from Henry’s cock so he could speak, his lips resting on the tip. “Oh, I so would.”

He wouldn’t, but he loved to see Henry tense up and keep him on edge. Alex continued, not allowing Henry to relax in the same way he had been uncomfortable when their roles were reversed. He took in more and more of Henry’s cock, nearly making his way down to the shaft of the prince’s huge cock.

“I’m close,” Henry sighed breathlessly.

Alex let out a grunt of disgust. The abruptness of it all had pulled him out of his concentration. He furrowed his eyebrows at the other, slightly retracting his lips so he could speak once again.

“Don’t you fucking dare come in my mouth,” Alex warned. He was getting tired of having to constantly speak to Prince Dickhead, but he had to make himself clear on this.

“You don’t swallow?” Henry questioned.

“Me? Swallow _your_ cum? In your dreams,” Alex taunted.

Alex put Henry’s cock in his mouth for what he hopped was the last time. Henry’s heavy panting and rolling of his hips indicated that he was on the brim. Alex pulled away seconds before the sticky pearly white substance spurted out of Henry’s cock. Alex felt like he’d dodged a bullet.

“You’re welcome,” Alex said sarcastically, biting back any witty remarks that he could have fired. He watched Henry breathe heavily with his eyes fluttering open and close. He was angry with himself that he gave Henry such enjoyment when he’d been rudely deprived of any sexual pleasure. Being the better person wasn’t all it was cut out to be.

As he let Henry gather himself and come off his high, Alex rolled over to lie down next to him. He left enough space between the two of them because he was still repulsed by the idea of being physically intimate with him. Not even giving the guy head could change his attitude towards him.

“Safe to say I got more than I bargained for tonight,” Henry mused.

Alex didn’t respond. He lay there looking up at the ceiling, staring at the blank surface above him, trying to process everything that had happened and gather his thoughts. He was drained.

Even though it was the middle of winter, the room was hot. Alex’s hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead. He was in too much of a trance-like state to bother to fix it. Henry had already seen his cock, and had wrapped his entire mouth around it. There was no point in caring about appearances now.

“If I knew that that was all it took to shut you up, I would’ve done it ages ago,” Henry chuckled, taking note of Alex’s uncharacteristic silence.

Alex let out a deep breath. “Get out.”

“What?” Henry asked, completely baffled. He tilted his head to glance at the American boy laying next to him.

Alex met his gaze with a raised eyebrow. “What? You didn’t think you were gonna spend the night, did you? Did you think that we were gonna cuddle and talk about our feelings? What about that experience made you think that I want to spend more time with you?”

“Don’t you find it exhausting having to keep up this rivalry?” Henry asked, indirectly answering Alex’s questions with his own question.

“This was just a one-time thing,” Alex deflected. “I think I’ve made it obvious that I don’t particularly enjoy your company.”

“Alright, I get it. Good fucking bye, Alex,” Henry snapped.

The prince shot up out of bed. He snatched his clothes that were laying on the floor in varying spots around the room and began dressing himself.

“God, could you be any slower?” Alex asked.

“Well, I can’t be seen walking out of a White House bedroom half-naked, now can I?” Henry spat, as he shuffled his pants up his legs.

That was the last thing Henry said to him, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Henry began tying his tie, unable to fasten it properly due to his anger and subsequent lack of focus. He left it hanging loosely around his neck. He swung his jacket around his shoulders, putting it on as quickly as he had taken it off earlier.

Alex watched Henry leave and slam the door behind him. He slowly rolled his neck back over and placed his hands on his stomach, staring blankly at the empty ceiling. Alex contemplated whether he had been too harsh, not just with that last comment but the entire night. Even before they had hooked up tonight, Alex hadn’t been the kindest person towards Henry. It was easy to talk shit about Henry behind his back, but when he saw his face, something inside of him stirred.

He worried about Henry telling someone about their encounter. In hindsight, they probably should have laid down some ground rules, but in the heat of the moment, neither of them had been thinking logically. They both equally had as much to lose in this situation. All they could do was blindly trust that Henry wouldn’t share their secret.

His impulsivity was something of a fatal flaw, and it was catching up to him. Henry was a challenge. Choosing to have sex with Henry was a challenge. Alex had never backed away from a challenge.

It wasn’t just the impulsivity; it was his selfishness. He had completely used Henry. He used him for his own personal reasons. To be fair, Henry wasn’t very royal-like during the whole experience either. That didn’t change anything. Alex was the one who brought him here. Making excuses didn’t make Alex a better person.

His heart rate was beginning to slow down. His body provided a calm, cool sensation that washed over him. Some of his hair was tangled in knots that spread out across the pillow. Now that he was more at ease and beginning to rest, the full weight of his actions dawned on him. He began replaying the night’s events in his mind. He cringed at certain scenes, embarrassed at something he said or did. He scolded himself for not thinking things through. If he had, he could have avoided this entire mess. Now he was a spider who had gotten caught in its own web.

Everything had happened so fast. Neither of them had stopped to think about the severity of what was going on, or potentially that their actions could have consequences. To say that they were irresponsible would be an understatement.

The fact that he couldn’t shut his brain off and stop thinking about everything that had happened tonight was a tell-tale sign that this wasn’t just a one night stand, and that Alex couldn’t ignore his feelings for Henry, romantic or otherwise.

He wondered about the next time he would see Henry in person, and how they would act around each other. They’d been pretending to get along this whole time, but now their relationship was different. They had something to hide, not just from the general public, but from everyone else in their lives. Would they pretend as if nothing ever happened? Tonight was meant to be a one-night stand. Alex hadn’t done many hookups in his life, but he knew that rule number one was don’t catch feelings.

How could he hate someone and have them take up this much space in his brain? It didn’t add up.

Alex had started off the new year with uncertainty, anger, and a bunch of other unpleasant emotions all bottled up inside of him. He was feeling uncertain. That was the most accurate word he could use. He didn’t like feeling uncertain. He didn’t like not being in control and not knowing what was going on. He was also confused. There was a lot that he didn’t understand. He was confused because he might be attracted to Henry. It’s an insane thought, one that makes him chuckle to himself, but it’s also not the most unthinkable thing. Why would he feel so satisfied right now if he wasn’t attracted to Henry? Why was he not repulsed by the idea of having sex with other guys? Why would he consent to having sex with someone that he hated?

Alex wondered if he even liked boys. He never really questioned his sexuality up until now. He’s always liked girls. He doesn’t know if his feelings of uncertainty are coming from being with someone who he’s sworn to hate or if he would feel this way after being with any guy. There was a lot of build up between these two, their situation and relationship with one another was unique.

It’ll never happen again, he decides. He had told Henry the same thing. He had told Henry a lot of things. He wished he could take back a lot of those things. He had been spitting out sentences off the top of his head. He couldn’t remember everything he said, but he had gotten his message across crystal clear. This wasn’t some friends with benefits or ‘enemies with benefits’ situation.

Alex eventually came back to reality after he had questioned every single thing he possibly could. He rolled out of bed. He found his clothes and dressed himself delicately to make up for the roughness he had experienced with Henry. He traced his fingers lightly across his own body. He fixed the sheets and blankets on the bed to the best of his ability so no one would suspect that anyone had been in here tonight, especially not having hate sex.

He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He was relieved to find an empty hallway. He let the signature peacefulness of the middle of the night take control of his rampaging brain as he made his way back to his own bedroom in the West Wing.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated 💗


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